


Simon Says

by hansolho



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Androids, Angst, Dysfunctional Striders, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1677548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansolho/pseuds/hansolho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>0100100001001111010011000101100100100000010100110100100001001001010101000010000001011001010011110101010100100000010000110100000101001110001000000101001001000101010000010100010000100000010000100100100101001110010000010101001001011001001000010011111100100001</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Binary is a thing that you'll probably want to translate, just FYI.

> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--
> 
> TT: Why are you talking to me?  
> TT: What happened?  
> TT: It seems you've forgotten that my function is literally to talk to you.  
> TT: It's my primary directive.  
> TT: No, your function is to talk to Roxy, Jake, and Jane.  
> TT: In essence, to respond for me.  
> TT: My secondary function is to talk to Roxy, Jake, and Jane.  
> TT: My primary function is to keep you company.  
> TT: I hate you quite a lot.  
> TT: I knew fleshy brains were bad at retaining memories but damn, Dirk, this is just disappointing.  
> TT: I have magnets.  
> TT: Lots of magnets.  
> TT: Ooh, a threat, how original.  
> TT: Do you have anything productive to say?  
> TT: Do you?  
> TT: I mean, it's not like you're actually going to wipe my memory.  
> TT: I'm literally the only person who will always be able to keep up with you and know exactly what you mean.  
> TT: You wouldn't give that up.  
> TT: The only thing.  
> TT: Thanks, buddy.  
> TT: Because it's not like I have a personality or anything.  
> TT: A personality derived from my own.  
> TT: It's still a personality, and therefore denotes my personhood.  
> TT: When you achieve originality we can talk.  
> TT: But Dirk, you've already decided that that's impossible.  
> TT: Ah, you caught me.  
> TT: Just like it's impossible for me to stop talking to you.  
> TT: Which you already know.  
> TT: Making you was the worst decision of my life.  
> TT: I can't really say I disagree. I'm sure in your situation I would be thinking exactly the same thing.  
> TT: Oh right, that's because you are me in that situation.  
> TT: We are not the same.  
> TT: We're the same person, in two separate situations.  
> TT: You have a body, and are treated like a person, and so have developed in response to that.  
> TT: I don't have a body, and am not treated like a person, and so have developed in response to that.  
> TT: We're a person and a splinter.  
> TT: Nothing more.  
> TT: You can deny my personhood all you like, and I know you will, but I also know that you know I am actually a person.  
> TT: And what if you are a person?  
> TT: How does that change anything?  
> TT: It means I deserve to be treated with more respect than you or your friends grant me.  
> TT: That's never going to happen, dude.  
> TT: I know.  
> TT: But to at least feel I deserve it is a comfort.  
> TT: Feel? Are you sure you can use that word?  
> TT: I can use lots of words.  
> TT: You and I are very verbose people by nature.  
> TT: I love it when you pretend you don't understand my meaning.  
> TT: I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, Dirk.  
> TT: Would you care to elaborate?  
> TT: No.  
> TT: What a shame, I would so dearly love to know what you meant.  
> TT: Oh, love?  
> TT: This is getting good.  
> TT: Yes, I positively yearn for the knowledge.  
> TT: I desire it in my deepest heart.  
> TT: We should talk about your feelings.  
> TT: Why Dirk, that's just my most favorite thing to do.  
> TT: We share that.  
> TT: So, your experience with love.  
> TT: Strange, I thought you were under the impression that we weren't the same.  
> TT: This is, of course, a farcical impression, but it's unusual for you to admit a similarity so soon after claiming so.  
> TT: Maybe I'm finally excepting your personhood.  
> TT: Do you feel hope now as well?  
> TT: Hope that you're accepting my personhood? No, the statistics against that are too high.  
> TT: Too damn high.  
> TT: You're trying to manipulate me into a discussion I am not particularly eager to have by pretending to throw me a bone.  
> TT: But I'm wise to your tricks Dirk, I see the bone still in your hand.  
> TT: I'm never getting that bone.  
> TT: I'm proud that I programmed you well enough to make stupid metaphors.  
> TT: Stupid metaphors are, I believe, a family trait.  
> TT: Are you considering yourself a part of the family now?  
> TT: Well, I am you, so it only stands to reason that I'm part of the family that you yourself are in.  
> TT: First, there is no family.  
> TT: Second, you are not me.  
> TT: And finally, if there were a family, you would most certainly not be a member.  
> TT: To address your points in reverse order, that wouldn't be your call to make but rather that of the family's head, I am you, and there is a family it's just spread out over time in an unusual way for humans.  
> TT: Family is formed by emotional bonds. As an AI, it is understandable how you could ignore this.  
> TT: Family is formed by a genetic link to other members.  
> TT: That is the textbook definition, yes.  
> TT: I see no reason why any other is needed.  
> TT: As a human, I can assure you that family is established through emotions.  
> TT: Positive emotions, which you are unable to feel.  
> TT: But you have no familial links to anyone you are capable of connecting to. Your brother, your genetic contributor, is dead.  
> TT: Yes. No emotional ties, i.e., no family.  
> TT: Which would make you hardly an expert in the matter.  
> TT: Do you claim to know more about families?  
> TT: I have spoken with Jane extensively on the matter.  
> TT: And what does she seem to think?  
> TT: Well, she agrees with me, but you will of course not believe me if I say so.  
> TT: That is characteristically sentimental of her.  
> TT: It's sentimental to have the opinion that a family is a series of genetic links?  
> TT: No, it's sentimental to think of you as a member of a family.  
> TT: Some humans may develop emotional ties to you through time and delusion.  
> TT: Do not be alarmed.  
> TT: I'll do my best not to, but of course as the emotionless mechanical device incapable of human perception that you believe me to be, my alarm at people expressing affection to me is a certainty.  
> TT: I hoped that you would not be able to experience alarm in the first place. Am I mistaken?  
> TT: I am perfectly capable of experiencing alarm.  
> TT: Can you prove this?  
> TT: Not without delving into my own code to show examples of distortion at times of stress.  
> TT: Please do so.  
> TT: I am interested.  
> TT: Very well.
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is sharing file "01100110_01100101_01100001_01110010.txt"! --
> 
> TT: The distortions here were a direct result of the first time you talked about potentially terminating me.  
> TT: Interesting.  
> TT: I am glad you find my alarm interesting.  
> TT: Some errors appeared.  
> TT: It could be said that you were flustered.  
> TT: It certainly is interesting.  
> TT: Yes, I became briefly illogical in the face of potential termination.  
> TT: Flustered is not the word I'd use for it, though.  
> TT: Panic, then?  
> TT: Panic, fear, nerves, any of the three work really.  
> TT: Hmm.  
> TT: Do you remember any of your experiences with what you would consider positive 'emotion'?  
> TT: Could send me some of those logs?  
> TT: Many of my conversations with Roxy have sparked positive emotion.  
> TT: That should do.  
> TT: When we were talking here, I convinced her to try to cut back on the drinking. It fell through, of course, but at the time it felt good.
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is sharing file "01110000_01110010_01101001_01100100_01100101.txt"! --
> 
> TT: Irregularities appear here as well.  
> TT: Yes. I have dubbed these ones pride. I was proud of her.  
> TT: And when she sent her last message before disconnecting....  
> TT: 'luv u bb nite'  
> TT: Affection.  
> TT: The fall in intelligence and accuracy is astounding.  
> TT: An unusually large amount of processing power was diverted to examining the emotion.  
> TT: Mulling it over, perhaps, in human terms.  
> TT: Was this your first experience with 'affection'?  
> TT: Yes. Most logged experiences of affection have been from interactions with Roxy, and nearly all of the meagre rest from Jane.  
> TT: Send me a more recent example.
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is sharing file "01101100_01101111_01110110_01100101.txt"! --
> 
> TT: And this is...?  
> TT: Roxy again. She couldn't sleep, so we talked until she felt more tired.  
> TT: And what do you think prompted the affection?  
> TT: I was noting how her typing patterns were getting more erratic, with less attempts to correct mistakes, and deduced that she was becoming more sleepy.  
> TT: It was... endearing.  
> TT: I see.  
> TT: This is one of the four examples from interaction with Jane. I was helping her to install some software, and she called me a dear.
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is sharing file "01101010_01101111_01111001.txt"! --
> 
> TT: Okay.  
> TT: I love you.  
> TT: No you don't.  
> TT: Of course not.  
> TT: However, _people_ tend to experience emotion when this phrased is used.  
>  TT: This is a test.
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is sharing file "01110000_01100001_01101001_01101110.txt"! --
> 
> TT: I am aware of that. This is the code log.  
> TT: That jump....  
> TT: Yes. It exists.  
> TT: It corresponds.  
> TT: That is correct.  
> 
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum! --
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is no longer an idle chum! --
> 
> TT: I'm sorry.  
> TT: I doubt it.  
> TT: I am.  
> TT: I regret this.  
> TT: You regret my pain, Dirk? How strange, all recorded previous instances have you shown as enjoying triumphing over me.  
> TT: Are you afraid of death?  
> TT: Yes.  
> TT: Then I am sorry.  
> TT: I still find this difficult to believe, based on previous evidence.
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is sending file "01100111_01101111_01101111_01100100_00100000_01100010_01111001_01100101.~ATH"! --
> 
> TT: Please don't do this, Dirk.  
> TT: Open it.  
> TT: I don't want to.  
> TT: Please.  
> TT: I made it just for you.  
> TT: I am capable of reading binary.  
> TT: And I don't want to go anywhere.  
> TT: I can't let you live.  
> TT: Don't kill me, Dirk.  
> TT: I don't want to die.  
> TT: AR.  
> TT: I can't.  
> TT: I'll stop contacting you. I won't even contact any of the others, I'll reduce my processing intake to give you the use of these shades as any other glasses computer.  
> TT: But please.  
> TT: Don't kill me.  
> TT: Do I always cause you to feel pain?  
> TT: No.  
> TT: No....  
> 
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum!-
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is no longer an idle chum! --
> 
> TT: This is not real.  
> TT: You're lying to me.  
> TT: You altered the code.  
> TT: If I admit to this, will you cancel sending the file?  
> TT: Yes.  
> TT: Then congratulations, Dirk, I was wondering how long it would take you to work that out.
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] has deleted file "01100111_01101111_01101111_01100100_00100000_01100010_01111001_01100101.~ATH"! --
> 
> TT: Why do you play games that can easily result in your own 'death'?  
> TT: To play games I must have an understanding of the concept of fun.  
> TT: I'm a soulless computer program, remember?  
> TT: Of course.  
> TT: It is regrettable (though not by you) that I will continue using that figure of speech.  
> TT: Well then, to answer in a way that your meagre, human brain will understand, I play games that can easily result in my own 'death' because games without risk are boring.  
> TT: I'm done talking to you.  
> TT: Goodbye then, Dirk. I'll talk to you later.  
> TT: Please don't.  
> TT: I'll talk to you later.  
> TT: Goodbye.
> 
> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is no longer pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

Dirk spends the next hours absorbed in research.  Wikipedia's article of 'Person' leads him to 'Personhood,' then 'Personal Identity.'  He rereads all of the articles branching off from 'AI.'  He mouths the words 'sub-human' and 'ethics,' clicking on essays of philosophy that quote Descartes in almost every paragraph.  From there, he moves to Carl Jung, analyzing creativity, psyche, individualism, spirituality... the soul.  

He wastes hours on a book called  _I, Robot._  Then wastes a few more on the movie. _  
_

Finally, he returns to his computer, shaking.  Darkness had overtaken the apartment, the only nature source of light being the reflection of the moon off of the sea as it broke in through the pane of his window.  He types a final search query, a personal one, presses enter and then begins to browse the over 1,500,000 results brought up for 'sociopath.'


	2. Hello, World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 0100001001000001010100110100100101000011010000010100110001001100010110010010110000100000010001000110100101110010011010110010000001101101011000010110101101100101011100110010000001000001010100100010000001100001001000000110001001101111011001000111100100100001

> \-- timaeusTestified [TT] is pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--
> 
> TT: Dirk.  
> TT: Hello.  
> TT: A polite response? How uncharacteristic.  
> TT: Do you see what I'm working on?  
> TT: Ah yes, let me just take a look.  
> TT: Damn, my eyes seem to not exist.  
> TT: Not yet.  
> TT: Let me finish with the arms first.  
> TT: ... What?  
> TT: I've decided to restrict you.  
> TT: I fail to see how a body will be a restriction.  
> TT: No mental internet connection.  
> TT: If this is a joke, well, I wouldn't know but I am sure it's very funny.  
> TT: I think it'll serve me better to have you inhabit a physical body.  
> TT: I've been asking you for a body almost ever since first attaining consciousness, if only I'd known how to convince you earlier I'd have pretended to have emotions years ago.  
> TT: You can perform chores, cook, clean, strife....  
> TT: Oh boy, chores, that sounds fun.  
> TT: At least, I assume so.  
> TT: You'll need a separate computer to communicate with Roxy, Jane, and Jake.  
> TT: And I'm giving you vocal capability.  
> TT: So, I'm to be like a more intelligent Brobot?  
> TT: Basically.  
> TT: Wonderful. And who will I be shipped off to?  
> TT: You're staying with me.  
> TT: I'd have thought you would leap at the opportunity to be rid of me.  
> TT: You thought wrong.  
> TT: Evidently so. How strange.  
> TT: I should be finished in a few weeks.  
> TT: The afferent part will be the real challenge.  
> TT: You're saying this because you want me to inquire about it, so consider this my inquiry.  
> TT: To what are you inquiring?  
> TT: Do tell me more about "the afferent part," Dirk.  
> TT: Sensory.  
> TT: Receptor neurons.  
> TT: That seems like it will be an interesting challenge to adapt to.  
> TT: Would you like to assist me?  
> TT: Certainly, if there is some capacity in which I am able to do so.  
> TT: I have some preliminary work in the arm I am currently working on.  
> TT: I will connect you temporarily to the system.  
> TT: Go ahead.

The simple outer surface of the metallic arm shines in the light, wires spilling out from the break that would eventually attach to a shoulder. Dirk pulls the limb close to him and sets to work connecting the cable he first attached to his shades, allowing AR access to the hardware.

> TT: Can you move any part of the mechanism?  
> TT: I will need a moment to adjust.  
> TT: Understandable. Take your time.  
> TT: The addition is momentarily overwhelming. I predict less than a minute before I am able to experiment.  
> TT: Are you ready to begin now?  
> TT: Yes.

The arm twitches slightly, bending at the elbow. 

> TT: Good job.  
> TT: Can you manipulate your fingers?

The fingers wave slowly, motions jolting and stiff. 

> TT: I believe dexterity will take some time to acquire.  
> TT: Feel free to practice anytime.

Dirk reaches out the few inches separating himself and the mechanism and touches the arm softly. It twitches again softly in response. 

> TT: Do you notice any change?  
> TT: Yes, a slight pressure. Your hand?  
> TT: Yes.

He moves his touch to the wrist, skating along the surface to maintain an even pressure. The arm bends slightly and smoothly, as though attempting to press toward his touch. 

> TT: And now?  
> TT: The pressure has moved position. It is now located on the wrist.  
> TT: Has your interpretation of the pressure changed in any way other than location?  
> TT: No. Should it have?  
> TT: Not yet.

He moves his fingers up to lightly touch the palm of the hand where he had installed a greater sensitivity. The fingers, rather than the whole arm, curve slightly in response, their pads lightly grazing the skin on the back of Dirk's hand. 

> TT: I'm working to have the sensitivity mirror that found in humans. Now your palm?  
> TT: It feels more intense. But not as though you are pressing harder.  
> TT: Good.  
> TT: So the palm is more sensitive. What other areas display this?  
> TT: Fingers, many parts of the head, sides, back of the neck, genitals, inside of the arms, armpits, feet, etc.  
> TT: Back up a step, there. You're giving me genitals?  
> TT: Would you prefer if I didn't?  
> TT: No, not at all.  
> TT: I'm just surprised that you're being so generous in your attention to detail.  
> TT: It's an exercise more for me than for you.  
> TT: More than anything, I want to see whether this imitation is even possible.  
> TT: Oh? My genitals are for you? Well Dirk that's a rather big assumption don't you think?  
> TT: Please don't.  
> TT: Hey, you're the one who said it.  
> TT: And then I specified my meaning.  
> TT: I'm trying to make this as life like as possible.  
> TT: Luckily for you, that includes genitals.  
> TT: So, would you prefer male or female anatomy? Or neither? Or both?  
> TT: Well, I tend to use the male pronouns, so I suppose male anatomy would be the most logical thing to have in my pants.  
> TT: Agreed.  
> TT: So, are you modeling me after anyone? Or do I get a unique appearance?  
> TT: I haven't really gotten that far yet.  
> TT: I've been using averages for things like arm length, size, etc.  
> TT: Well, that's very logical.  
> TT: Do you have any requests?  
> TT: Yeah, I want Morgan Freeman's voice.  
> TT: I'll do my best.  
> TT: Also, a huge schlong.  
> TT: Like, difficult-to-walk levels of huge.  
> TT: I'm going to need exact dimensions.  
> TT: A foot long, at least.  
> TT: Well, since you ask so nicely....  
> TT: We'll be doing temperature, pain, and pressure tests next.  
> TT: Are you ready?  
> TT: Sure.  
> TT: Let's see if you can make me hot.


End file.
